After a recent, heart-rending, reverberating argument with a friend (everybody was RIGHT, everybody was WRONG), we wondered if the approaches Yoko Ono outlined in Acorn would have been better ways to go.
OR…
(We would have to try to watch OURSELVES arguing, and get a BIGGER perspective)…
She also suggests singing when you argue. Now that would be something!
We figure between singing and taking off pants, most arguments wouldn’t gain much traction.
Here’s another hunk of great advice that would surely alter an angry perspective:
Maybe that’s the BEST advice of all.
Walk in the footsteps of the person in front of you.
LiveForgive and learn!
I have always felt that arguing was a desperate plea for connection. A kind of begging and pleading to be seen and heard…understood….whole…glorious…that which we already are. 🙂
Right on right on right on … “Then it was as if I suddenly saw the secret beauty of their hearts, the depths of their hearts where neither sin nor desire nor self-knowledge can reach, the core of their reality, the person that each one is in God’s eyes. If only they could see themselves as they really are. If only we could see each other that way all the time, there would be no more war, no more hatred, no more cruelty, no more greed… I suppose the big problem would be that we would fall down and worship each other. ”
– Thomas Merton
That is SO beautiful. Thomas Merton was the bomb. I would love to have met him.
Thank you so much!
(Check out our big post about Merton here.)
I agree Jody. The trick, I believe, is HOW we do it, and with what lens we see the other person with. And not many of us were taught how to argue constructively.
Mid-argument, I always try to stop and ask myself:
will this issue matter in a day? A week? A year?
If the answer is no, it’s not worth the fight. And most of the time, the answer is no. In fact, usually by the time I get to the “year” part of the question, the heated moment is looking pretty puny and irrelevant.